Thank you to my husband for always being there and supporting me in everything I do. You truly are a gift to my heart!
My life has been littered with unexpected turns, disappointments, trials, losses and much to learn about some choices I've made. Many have hurt me and I have hurt many others. I have laughed, cried, struggled and thought about dying way too often in some seasons of life. I learned to overcome through the power of Jesus Christ. This took many years of my life to learn. It's called a process and does not happen overnight.
Some know me, many others do not, but judge me from a distance. Some are jealous of me and I found myself in a place of jealousy for many others. Why, I would ask. Why is my life a mess? Why did I lose what I always wanted? Why do I so often find myself looking in from the outside? Like looking into a window, but never being able to find the door to just go inside.
Years I waited. Years I prayed. For years my life was an unintentional mess with many turning their backs on me, telling lies about me. Passing judgement and being critical about things they never even tried to understand about me or my life. I struggled with people's words against me. After praying for myself and for those others that were being hopelessly mean, I lost even more things in life and even more of my self. I couldn't find the light or the purpose for my life. I thought I must be the problem, I must be the one God is really mad at. I waited, I prayed, I waited. I was tired and the wait seemed endlessly hopeless.
Things I prayed for didn't return. I felt I had no reason to be alive. No reason to live. No family to embrace me. No one at home to smile and hug me when I arrived. I kept turning to Christ and crying out to Him for an answer. I kept crying out to Him for a reason to be alive. In these times of hardship, one thing began happening. I began finding joy despite the things in the world. A light was emerging inside of me and I didn't even know it had arrived. I began finding joy inside my own heart. I began healing. I began laughing. I began to understand how to overcome the struggle, despite the pain, despite the loss, despite the past. I once again began to live, but this time was different. The same things didn't get to me. I was stronger and not as emotionally bound to the negative things in life. I was becoming bolder and more courageous. More able to stand on my own, without a man dictating my actions or my beliefs. I was finding myself to be a woman, no longer feeling like a child inside needing love that never came. My inner child was relearning how to love without regret. How to love with innocence. How to love because I am lovable regardless of what others say about me.
God had recreated my heart and my life. He did this through the struggle. Just like a caterpillar turns into a beautiful butterfly. He created my life to show Himself in a whole different way than when I began the struggle. My life was now different. I don't regret the past, but embrace the future. I now have an amazing, courageous, kind and generous husband who supports me in everything I do. He is likeable and very trustable with not only myself, but with all things. He is not without mistakes or weaknesses, just like me, but we have learned to grow together. We both love Christ and were willing to try again, willing to trust again, and willing to give our lives to the One who created us. This was truly a marriage to remember. My hope is in Jesus and I will never be the same.
Rachel Everhart RN