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  • Rachel Lehman

THE STRUGGLE

Many people struggle with identity. Many struggle with the question "Who am I and what am I here for? What is my purpose in this life?"

I too struggled with this until I went through a process. I went through a horrible struggle with getting out of abuse and out of living an abusive lifestyle. I had no idea what I was involved in until it was almost too late for me. I almost died, but I didn't. 

After this horrible event, things got so much worse for me. I struggled with me and life for years after this, not knowing who I was or what I was even here for. I wanted to die because it didn't seem like i was made for anything or anyone. But the thing was, this wasn't true at all. If it wasn't for God showing me my purpose, I don't think I would still be here.

The struggle is where we learn ourselves. The struggle is where we as people, don't want to be. We want to stay where it is warm and comfortable, although life often sucks in that place. Life is often mundane and lifeless, purposeless in that place. It isn't until we really grab ahold of God and ask Him our purpose that our lives begin to change, RADICALLY. I asked Him for my purpose before my then husband almost killed me. I couldn't make sense out of why this would have to happen in order for God to show me life. The reason is this: as long as i was comfortable living in abuse, whether it be this husband or another, i would always find my way back to abuse. I wouldn't ever know the difference. God wanted ME to learn the difference so I would never want that lifestyle again. It got so bad in my house at that time, that life was miserable. I made a choice to leave and I left not only that marriage, but that lifestyle forever. It got so bad that I needed God so much. I relied on Him for everything, so I would stop putting everything before God.

Identity comes when we stop putting everything before God and rely on Him to show us ourselves, no matter what that looks like. You too can find your purpose and your identity. Just stop what you are doing right now and ask Him, "God why am I here and what is my purpose? Who am I and what am I here to do?"

Change WILL come. It may not be how you expected it to be, but it will be good. Don't stop during the process and turn around like the Israelites wanted to do. They wanted to go back to being in slavery because they didn't trust what God was doing in freeing them. I do understand how they felt, but I know that God not only knows what He is doing, He knows exactly where you are going and IT IS WONDERFUL!

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